The Great Microwave Debate

22 09 2008

Well, at least in my house it’s a debate. I’ve been struggling with the microwave for about 7 years. Since I moved to Seattle, none of my apartments or houses have been furnished with one. I think I left mine in an Addison, TX apartment years ago as it had “you are fat” written on it from some hilariously insane night in good ole Krueger Hall. Karmonocky might remember it.

Anyhow, I lived for 18 months without my microwave, very happily. Then I moved to an old 1900s building with a bad oven, no garbage disposal, and no dishwasher and decided the modern convenience known as a microwave needed to be reintroduced in my life.

Face it. The microwave is not sexy. It’s no pretty, shiny kitchen-aid stand mixer, or sleek stainless toaster oven. It’s glaringly bulky and white with pink and green buttons. Ew. I have no pastel pink incorporated into my kitchen. Don’t even get me started on when you open it. No matter how well you clean it out, there are still nasty red splatters and a regular sheen of grease all the way around.

Last month I got fed up with my microwave. It’s on the floor of our guest bedroom. It’s a test. Can I survive 60 days without it?

A month in, and I think I’ve mastered it. I’m tempted to put it up on Craigslist this week.

Queso? No problem. I reheated it on the stove top. With non-stick pans these days, it’s a breeze to clean up – AND you heat up a more manageable amount when you have to make a decision up front. Less cheesey velveeta fat and calories.

Butter? Well, set it out when you know you need to use it. Maybe it will make me less lazy and forgetful somehow.

Meat? Again, set it out, tuck it in the fridge the night before and you’ll have a more naturally defrosted chicken breast rather than a half cooked-in-the-microwave nasty grayish breast.

Eggs? Ew. A childhood memory everyone in my age group hopes they’ll forget. Eggs should never be microwaved.

I feel a burden lifted and think my countertops are so much happier with only pretty (yet useful) appliances on it. 🙂 What am I missing? What are the other things you use your microwave for that I haven’t encountered in the last month?

Update 25 Sep:

It appears I have actually started a bit of a debate. I love it! Some comments…

Peep Puffing: Mel, this is a tough one. You are right, I have no avenues for blowing up peeps anymore. I kind of forgot about doing that after putting one on a certain neighbor’s pillow in college. I got in trouble. Big trouble.

Chocolate: My pots and pans came with a very nice double boiler. It may take a while, but burned chocolate is kinda gross. I’m the type that would forget and BURN it in the microwave.

Popcorn: Jess is the master here. She taught me ALL ABOUT how absolutely yummy popcorn on the stove top is. In fact, I just had some on Sunday evening. No more microwave crap for me…it reminds me of being at work (ew, don’t you hate it when someone in the office forgets about a bag and burns it to the point of everything being black…stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinky)

S’mores: Well, I just don’t like soggy graham crackers, Mel. I’ll save my s’mores for camping.

Beer? Dad, come on. I remember sparks from your Baylor plate. Imagine a can of beer.




14 responses

22 09 2008

Well I know I couldn’t do without my microwave! They do make ones without pink buttons, I’m sure.

23 09 2008

other uses: puffing peeps….duh kim.
i like mom’s microwaved scrambled eggs…..mmm, maybe thats what i’ll have for breakfast.

23 09 2008

Have a kid….You’ll use that microwave. kid ain’t gonna wait for no stove-top.

23 09 2008

You gotta have a microwave when you want butter on your toast. 5-10 seconds in there and zap… you can butter your toast with soft butter… no holes in your toast. Your toast gets a nice even layer of good old butter… none of the yukky soft, strange oleo… for Daddyoleo. After you got the butter on then you can add some honey and it won’t run out through the holes… or maybe some of Martha’s peach preserves… can’t lose any of those peach preserves.

Keeping the chocolate nice and warm in a double boiler might be nice… for those Christmas confections. The smell of burned chocolate (in the center of the liquid mess) ruins the whole batch… and the micro is good at that.

Wait… Wait… Popcorn… football… beer… and POPCORN!!!! You gotta keep it!

But… then… you sissies in the NW might have wine and sushi when you watch football… THAT’S JUST WEIRD…

24 09 2008

two words:
microwave s’mores.
life has no point without them. s’mores over the stove just isnt the same.

24 09 2008

OH, oh I’ve got one….you have to have a microwave b/c you’ll use less energy than letting your oven or stove top go forever just b/c you want somethign warm. SAVING ENERGY FOR ALL YOU GREEN FOLKS UP THERE.

25 09 2008

Ditto on Jess comment about kiddos… microwave is essential with em! No patience!!! And, on top of that, you are so busy making sure that your cell phone & camera aren’t getting a bath…and that liptstick & mascara aren’t being smeared on the furniture…and that legos & pens are not being crammed into the VCR…that you do not have time to remember to get her dinner out of the freezer before she is pulling on your pants screeching at you that it is TIME for dinner NOW!

25 09 2008

i’m not sure i want kids now…nobody said anything about my cell taking a bath or legos in the VCR!!

25 09 2008

this is funny.
kim, obviously you have not been making your microwave s’mores correctly. there are not soggy graham crackers involved. maybe i will give you lessons a week from tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mom, get the supplies.

billy, just keep thinking about taking our someday kids cliff jumping. kids are all joy. no bad stuff. all kisses, hugs and i love you daddy…….i dont want to be a fireman when i grow up daddy…..i want to be just like you.

25 09 2008

Okay, you guys are WAY too predictable. I told Kim before she posted this: “you know that everyone with kids are going to jump all over this one, right?” 🙂

Oh, and DaddyMicrowaveButter – Wine and sushi for a football weekend? You think we’ve sold our souls or something? No way. Beer and queso, thank you very much. Oh, and Kim popped popcorn the other day on the stove. Way better than that bag stuff! I had no idea…

MicroShar – that’s a hillarious and nicely painted image of LGM running around everywhere you aren’t with the lipstick, legos and pens…

JessicaWave – we’re not worried about saving energy. We’ve hooked up our house’s power grid to the exercise bikes. All we have to do is pedal for an extra few minutes to justify the stove.

26 09 2008

i awoke this morning to the realization, thanks to your post, that i had become everything i’ve worked hard not to become….predictable. thanks for shattering 28yrs. of effort to try and remain mysterious. sleep well tonight.

27 09 2008
Aunt Sue

Hi, Kim,
I couldn’t live w/out my microwave—wait until you get old like me & find it perfect for heating the various moist heat packs I have for my aches & pains!!
I love it for chocolate-melting, too. What’s your secret for stove top popcorn?
Aunt Sue

30 09 2008

O my gosh, not sure I like the post or the comments better. What a fun few minutes I just spent reading it all.
Now my comments on microwaves: I’m wondering if the mico-waves come out as it’s running and if one is standing in front of it does that mean I get them in me??? So Kim if you aren’t using one then you’ll be micro free and we’ll all have the waves in us. Time will tell. I’m so short that my micro is level with my head so the waves are going into my brain, need I say more???????? I guess I could take out my MW and put cook books in the space. ?!

2 10 2008

Ahh… don’t worry about those “micros” or the “waves”. They are everywhere. Just think about a small glassy, calm pond… and a bird flys over and poops in the pond… if you were really close you might see a tiny ripple… kinda-like outside your microwave in the kitchen.

Then envision yourself throwing a frisbee in the air and it gets caught by the wind and flys over the pond … and it hits that bird… and it falls into the lake dead (sorry… I’m a guy and we just think of these sick things). There would be a splash… bigger ripples… that would kinda be like that computer you are sitting in front of… or your cell phone.

Then envision a fighter aircraft practicing a low level run… over the pond… the frisbee … the frisbee bounced off the bird and smack the fighter right in the windshield. The pilot is startled and punches a button which drops his external fuel tank into the pond. Ker-splash! Big honking ripples… waves really… that is kinda like… driving by one of those microwave towers on the top of hills.

Then you got to think of all the radio and tv signals… weather radar… cops shooting radar guns at you… Chinese satellites trying to see what you have in your microwave. The waves are everywhere all the time. That is kind of like the frisbee bouncing off the jet… spinning over the pond and hitting a switch for tracks a freight train is coming down… the train de-rails and crashes in to the lake with 117 freight cars full of stuff (someone help me here… I am running out of imagination… what is in the freight cars?) The splash is so big you get damp from the mist.

Finally… envision a big meteor from space going a zillion miles per hour… smacking the pond… and presto zappo… “ding”… you are done… THAT is what it is like INSIDE your micro-wave.

So, if you don’t stand there and look in the little widow on your micro-wave you should be okay.

Don’t climb in the micro-wave.

Be kind to Peeps… … … ask Kim…

Also… don’t throw frisbees by the pond you could be sued by lots of people.

I made all this up… I didn’t read it anywhere…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: