Signs You Have Become a Mother

11 02 2011

How many of you have entered a new phase in life and said “I’ll never do x…” (think blush and bashful – Steel Magnolias). Then you catch yourself in the midst of it all doing x. Probably y and z too. This post is a perfect example of things I said I would not do. But let’s face it. Life changes. In so many wonderful ways, funny ways, and exhausting ways.

Today I was called ma’am by the 17 year old girl who helped me get my groceries out to the car this afternoon, I giggled at being called ma’am (and having someone help me get groceries to my car) and sighed. Oh, how life has changed. It inspired a short list of signs you’ve become a mother.

  1. You try to trick your baby and wear cotton until just before walking out the door. Babies must not be fans of cashmere. They throw up on fine fabrics.
  2. Stop lights take foooooooooooooorever now.
  3. Driving to the suburbs is now a fun errand because it guarantees a quality nap (yeah, that’s right Dr. Weissbluth, it’s a NAP. In motion. And this momma says it counts)
  4. Driving to the suburbs does not take as long as it used to (so you pick a farther suburb or take the route that goes all the way around the metro area before landing at your destination 12 miles from home – not a popular choice in my green city).
  5. You forget to put on half of your outfit (see #1), but your 4 month old boy has matching shirt, overalls, sweater, hat and socks.
  6. You actually DO need help getting your groceries in your car (thank goodness for the kind souls who schlep our groceries out to the car in the rain).
  7. You are not embarrassed to do really dumb dances and moves to get your kid to laugh.
  8. You DO know the muffin man. He lives on Drury Lane.
  9. You’ve discovered unknown pockets of fat (thanks to those little busy hands grabbing at you while nursing). Your back-of-the-arm-fat (no parade waves for me), your belly fat (thanks kid, I blame you), your neck fat (what? I didn’t know that was there! OUCH that hurts).
  10. You look at your own mother in a totally different light that you didn’t think possible.
  11. You also regret things you said to your mother during those pesky teenage years. “It’s YOUR money comes to mind.” Gah. Payback’s going to be rough.
  12. You used to hate it when someone put their hands on your face (ew, I’m going to break out there!) and you relish the moment when two little clammy, chubby hands hold the sides of your face.
  13. Sloppy kisses used to make you call your girlfriends and laugh while telling them about said sloppy kiss.
  14. Sloppy kisses STILL make you want to call your girlfriends and laugh while telling them about said sloppy kiss. Only the giver of the kiss has changed.
  15. Your heart is stretched to its limits. You feel proud and sad and scared and happier than you’ve ever felt all at the same time while you watch your little human grow and learn.